I haven’t taken a ‘growth’ program in a long time. It seems as if I’ve been in some kind of transition for a while now, partly having retreated inward during and after the pandemic. How I work mostly behind the scenes is a way to look after myself, working on short term projects with amazing people in my life. At times it doesn’t feel enough though, asking myself if my footprint is big enough for the larger efforts to reclaim our lives.
Admittedly over the recent years, the blowback from publishing ‘Dear Qallunaat’ has held me back from being too public again. The level of violent reactions were quite something, I expected it but not to the extent it went. After the publication there was a flood of threats and harassment that came through from white Canadian settlers (mostly from the Prairies by the way), forcing me to go off social media for a period of time. To be a thinking outspoken Indigenous woman talking about whiteness, is clearly not welcomed in this country. Since then, fortunately, it has become more common of a conversation to talk openly about colonialism and genocidalness of Canada. (Re)claiming our narrative is so important to counter historic and current erasures to our peoples to bring humanity into how our lives and selves are portrayed. I took a semi-break from the spotlight, now to slowly step back in.
I now have been running my consulting business for four years, the last two years I’ve also had the privilege of working part-time at the Pirurvik Centre which has been so enriching and affirming. Working alongside independent minded people like myself. Working in cultural and self reclamation space is a whole different feel, it is tiring but also oh so uplifting, having felt and lived in oppressive working environments for decades. I have enjoyed the freedom of ‘self-employment’, the space to think freely, without limitation of walls that were built not by us. I can decide what projects I want to work on, with whom, better manage my anxiety. Anxiety that surfaced over the years working in environments that didn’t align with my values or worse contradicted them. What I enjoy the most is the ability to ask big questions, focusing on broader impact projects.
Even though in self employment the type of work is long full on days then hitting sudden periods of being in the doldrums. Sometimes going from super engagement to nothing is a bit disorienting. It’s like leaving a very noisy event out into complete quietness, your senses ask what is happening. I have discovered the quiet moments are good for reflection time though. As we often forget to feel our way through our lives, to come from a heart centered approach.
Over the years I have envied people taking the Entreprenorth program, knowing the program is so enriching with phenomenal supportive staff. A program that is designed to empower northern Indigenous entrepreneurs and changemakers. I have witnessed people blossom in self-confidence through the program. It is what happens when you allow leading indigenous thinkers in an area to take on a project and head it to serve their community.
It is amazing to see conversations in 2016 while working at MakeWay with Steve Ellis about the possibilities of such an endeavor has evolved into this successfully enriching program. Uplifting livelihoods that bring social value to culturally centered or aligned economies. Recognizing that extractive industries, from mining to research, trap us in a loop of dependency. And to break free, we must reimagine and build our own defined economies.
So this year I got accepted to Entreprenorth. I could hardly believe it. I felt very ready, but a part of me second guessed whether someone who is doing more ‘businessy’ things should be in my spot instead. In my mind a consulting firm did not seem to fit into the entrepreneur category. It’s amazing that our limiting thinking can surface and take hold. Luckily I didn’t stay there too long, and committed to participate.
It has now been a couple of months with our weekly online meetings, and we now have had our first in person gathering here in Iqaluit. My goodness what an amazing group of trailblazers, both the participants and the staff. Being in empowered Indigenous spaces is such a natural high. You realize so much of the opposite exists, there are so many spaces that are either disempowering or indifferent to our well-being and end up disabling for our people to flourish. When you’re in a nurturing environment you feel it deeply.
It’s interesting though how the ego surfaces though, having to admit I don’t know fully how to run a business or that my business skills need to be sharpened. Step one was admitting that! The other is recognizing the emotional blockages we hold to be successful. That was step two for me! Knowing it will be a process to work through it though. I love that an Indigenous entrepreneur growth program recognizes the connection between identity, self-worth and success (in how we define success). This makes me a little bit scared to explore these further but excited for the opportunity to work through them in a guided way with other people that may be in the same place. What is the saying? Every journey begins with the first step. I think I’ve seen a tea bag tag that says that.
Participating in a growth program that are based on our values reminds me of our relationship of reciprocity. Maybe I will grow in this program, hone in and gain some skills, and the confidence to make greater leaps. Meanwhile asking bigger questions about economic self-determination and how we are contributing to it at micro and macro level – the conversations and ideas I love to explore. Either way, let’s journey on and see what happens.