It has taken me a bit of time to process my time at Saarrut camp, partaking in the Reclaiming the Whole woman program the other week. I went as part of a team of people I have been working with to create a new philanthropic organization called Indigenous Peoples Initiative. The hope is to design the organization to support Inuit and Saami self-determination. Part of the process of working to create this organization is experiencing and witnessing self-determination in practice such as Pirurvik’s Makimaniq/Wellness programs.
I have always wanted to take part in Pirurvik programs. My circumstances have not aligned for it to happen until this summer. I have witnessed Pirurvik Centre working with Elders, language and cultural leaders developing and delivering their programs with Liina Ivik at the helm of it all. I have seen people transformed by the enriching experience they’ve had at Pirurvik. The immeasurable aspect to our language and cultural programs that uplift people and redirect them to a more prideful path.
Shortly before going I was ever so excited, but also nervous knowing growing experiences can have an aspect of discomfort and unsettledness. I was ready to face the uncomfortable. Admittedly I had moments of doubt if I should go – making excuses in my mind of maybe why I should not go, sometimes my social anxiety overtaking me. Luckily, these were short lived, trusting in the goodness of Pirurvik. So off I went with an amazing group of people.
Once in the camp it doesn’t take long to get assigned a place, get settled in and get oriented. You are given a chore sign up sheet for everyday while there. Camp life and the program is explained.
There are different options for programs. We had two mandatory programs. One major part of Reclaiming the Whole Woman program is working on seal skins, the 16 steps to preparing the seal skin to be project ready for use to make garments or projects. As Liina explains, it is a right of passage for women. The other mandatory project was to sew a marnguti, a container for your qulliq wick material, as it is an essential part of owning a qulliq and being able to tend to it.
I had no idea if my body and mind would remember my early years of practicing working on seal skins. I spent the first 11 years of my life living in homes where hunting and processing skins were a normal part of life. I would be a helper learning as I helped. Then at age 11 when I moved to Iqaluit my exposure to this life almost completely stopped, including my language development. I only spoke Inuktitut to my mom and the odd person here and there. At the time it was embarrassing to speak a different dialect in Iqaluit. I would be teased that I speak a harsh dialect, so I spoke English mostly. That is why to this day the dialect I speak is still from my hometown. I have never spoken enough Inuktitut in Iqaluit to convert dialects. Which means, I am 11 years old in my Inuit skills development, including my language development (I may be 13 now in my language development, I haven’t learned adult talk yet. Ha!).
The thing about taking part in any kind of language and cultural reclamation is that you feel so emotionally vulnerable. You feel completely exposed to what you know and what you don’t know. You are also confronted by the shame of not knowing what you feel you should automatically know. You almost need to self-talk yourself and ask ‘how was I to learn it? I am where I am’ to let go of the shame and sense of vulnerability. I can also see how people can get stuck here in their learning journey, not being able to move beyond the shame and face their vulnerability.
The grief of not knowing what you feel you should know is also very real. Allowing for the emotions to grieve our language and cultural loss is so important and feeling safe to do so. Understanding that how grief surfaces is different for everyone. For me, it came out as grief for late loved ones who tried to teach me these skills. The cutting off of opportunity to learn from them. And appreciating so deeply what they tried to teach me, so that I could be set for life with skills and intelligence, including emotional intelligence.
Inuit know learning physical skills also teaches emotional and intellectual skills. Seal skin processing will teach you meticulousness, patience and endurance. Which can be applied in so many settings in life. Always striving for a better product, and learning something new every time you apply your skill.
Feeling vulnerable to learn and expose what you do not know in order to learn, necessitates being in a safe environment to learn. As soon as I felt my ulu scrape the seal skin it brought back a flood of memories of love and security, and tears started to flow. My Elder instructor helped me pause, reassured me it is fine to cry, stayed silent sitting next to me as I worked through my emotions. It showed the importance of emotional safe spaces to learn.
Unfortunately, we often face lecturing type settings in learning environments or social settings. Where advice or knowledge sharing seems naggy and judgy, veering on lateral violence. I know too often I have gotten unsolicited advice by well meaning older people or peers. As if I need their piece of wisdom, because I need to be told – sometimes I question if they are trying to put me in my place because I have formal education. The sharing coming from a place of ego and sense of competitiveness. I am also aware I may be being sensitive to the ‘telling”. I often ask in my head ‘who are you to tell me?’.
My thought on unsolicited advice is that: we used to be taught in family settings; our whole knowledge systems have been undermined by the colonial project; which means we did not learn as much as we could on our language and cultural knowledge; and our sense of security of our knowledge has been rocked, we hold a lot of insecurity around it; so whatever we need to learn has to be in a safe space or safe people. We cannot assume we are automatically safe people.
Pirurvik instructors certainly felt safe. They are so supportive and understanding. It felt like a loving environment, like in a family setting. It made me think about people in my life who have felt safe to be vulnerable to grow.
The learning environment reminded me of our former Inuit law Professor, late Ukaliannuk. He shared that as a child he would be told as he is being shown a new skill ‘learn these so that you will become a very capable adult’. And that he worked excitedly to make things for the first time or practiced making them, as he did so would imagine being a capable adult providing for his family. he said the vision of himself was beautiful. He also shared that in order for us to thrive, we all need nagliktigiji/person or people who loves us unconditionally. Again, speaking to the need to be unjudged emotional safety to learn and thrive in order to grow healthy and capable.
As we worked on the seal skins, the Elder instructors would tell us not to rush. To slow down and practice applying the skill. It was a reminder to appreciate the process, and being in the moment. It was also a reminder for me that the source of a lot of my anxiety is the capitalistic value of ‘hurry and finish, next’ work ethic. It reminded me that the process is as, or maybe more important than the end product. So many of Inuit production are meditative, and ease the mind. Which is the opposite of how we work in capitalist systems.
We had such a rich five days at Saarrut. We arrived to fresh maktaaq, had fresh fish and seal the next day, a seal that was a first catch by one of the students, and fresh caribou on the final day. Our team worked well getting chores done and helping each other out at the camp. We had fits of laughter, crying, storytelling, sharing, listening to music, and being in each other’s company in silence. Most touching and amazing moment was to be there when the young workers caught their tuktu, and walking to them to help them carry it. We had them walk ahead so that the Elders would first greet them at the camp with their joyous gratitude. They were so tired but it was a beautiful soulful moment.
At the end of the program we got to light a qulliq, each student, instructor and staff get to share their thoughts from the week. It is fair to say we all left feeling more complete than ever, feeling so much gratitude for the growth at Pirurvik! Qujalivunga!